The Rockafeller Skank

So I was doing some err...watchemacallit...thinking the other day. And I realized an interesting realization.(See how I framed that sentence? Fascinating, no?)

We (humans that is) do some pretty peculiar things.

like for instance looking up when it drizzles...OK, so now there are two things.
Firstly why do people look up? In my head its one of two things. Either you are perplexed with this radical new concept of water from the skies or you are trying to figure out if it is going to rain harder which leads me to my second point.
My second point: You're bound to get a drop in your eye when you look up. After which you are going to curse the sky and the gods above. Cursing the gods will then lead you to an untimely death and a stint in the hell-hole named (funnily enough) 'Hell'. Hell is, of course, said to be quite 'lame'.

Then we have clapping. The action itself is pretty barbaric when you think about it. I mean look at it. The banging of hands in support of something? In my head that leads to an image of a caveman (Curiously enough named 'Rob') jumping up and down while banging his hands together in glee at the sight of his mate, (lets call him 'Thor') bringing in his freshly caught mammoth. I dunno. This is just me thinking out loud or whatever. But I mean clapping is 'sooo last millenia' if you ask me.

Oh, and lets not forget all those scientific studies out there. I'm referring to of course the most daft ones. Now to prove my point while trying to appear well informed I did a quick spot of research. Research which led me to answers to age old queries. Queries such as;
'What is The effect of country music on suicide',
'Are chickens bias towards attractive people',
'What are The Possible Functions and Phylogenetic Significance of Frogs Odorous Secretions'
and my personal favourite,
'What is the pressure produced by a penguin poo-ing' where educated but certainly very bored Victor Breno of International University, Bremen, and Jozsef Gal of Lorand Eotvos University, Hungary, used the basic principles of physics to calculate the pressure that builds up inside a penguin.
I penguin-shit you not. These are real studies conducted by 'scientists' as my friend google showed me at this site and this one.
Hah! and you thought i was bluffing!

Bungee Jumping! I mean what the hell is that about!? I really don't know how someone came up with that idea.

Inventor dude A:"hmm...dude...you know i just realised something. every time i jump off a bridge, i fall into the water"
Inventor dude B: "yea dude...I'm like totally sick of that" *puffs on his happy stick*
Inventor dude A: "OK here's the deal...*puffs*...you take this *hands big rubber band chain* and jump off that there bridge.
Inventor dude B: *Jumps* "AAAaaaahh... " *splash*
Inventor dude A: "hmm..." *takes a long drag* "needs more rubber bands."

So yea... we are pretty bizarre. I mean what other being invents stuff, only to label them cancerous a few weeks later, Parachutes off planes for entertainments sake and writes about how weird their species is?

Cotton Eyed Joe

Why the best ideas come from late night conversations.

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: Trying to get GTA IV to run on Vista is like trying to get an elephant to ride a bicycle with no chain

Nabil says: wow...that is a feat

Nabil says: ok,lets make a deal. if i make it run, you do the elephant thing

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: sounds good. my friend franko is in the zoo, I'm sure he'll be delighted to have that as an act

Nabil says: wait..is this franko valdez?

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: he claims to be that

Nabil says: aww man me and him go wayyy back

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: wait, is he bald, shifty eyes and always checks your pockets for potatoes?

Nabil says: ohh no no

Nabil says: sorry wrong man. im talkin full head of hair, cant seem to stop tap dancing with the chipmunk on his shoulder franko

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: wait, is this chipmunk's name benny?

Nabil says: yeap

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: fuck, I know that guy. he's known as bobby partini around here. prolly cause the feds are after him

Nabil says: ahh yea i heard about that

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: he sells cigarettes and alcohol to underage kids over here at the popcorn stall

Nabil says: some say he killed a ferret with just ONE of his molar teeth

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: holy pancake! that would explain the scar all over his ear

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: Or is that from what he calls the sandwich incident?

Nabil says: i dont know but everytime i ask him about it he flings poo in my general direction

Nabil says: wait, tell me about the sandwich incident..is that the one with the subway guy who lost the weight?

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I don't know much about the sandwich incident either

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: all I know through hypnosis is that it involved a peanut, a katana he named 'jeff,' and a note with his ex-girlfriend's phone number. the real mystery is

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: how the fuck did that guy get a girlfriend in the first place

Nabil says: well ive heard he is quite the charmer. i mean they say he had a fling with ms.Monroe back in the day

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: that's probably what that eyepatch in his trunk is for

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I mean, any guy's bound to look sexy in a designer label eyepatch

Nabil says: oh for sure

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I got one from Gucci the other day though the aerodynamic sport edition eyepatch from adidas was quite fancy

Nabil says: i was under the impression that the sports edition one was through pre-order only

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: it was but I bribed the manager with an antique bottle of amaretto

Nabil says: which year?

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: 1618.

Nabil says: oh those are exquisite indeed

Nabil says: prefer those from 1596 though

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I know, that year has a particular tang, but are really flipping expensive

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says:

apparently this wine connoisseur told me that year they had a particularly good harvest because some guy watered his crop with mountain dew instead of water

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: another mystery was how in blooming hell did they get mountain dew back then

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: the only evidence that could possibly hint as to how they got MD back there was a crowbar, a thick pair of black-rimmed glasses, and an orange suit thing with a lambda logo on it

Nabil says: well, at least they got some evidence

Nabil says: last week, there was an incident where a crop circle was made in the shape of barrack obamas bottom. they didnt even kno it was his bottom until Condi Rice exclaimed it at the first press conference

Nabil says: i believe the obamas are in counseling now

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says:I don't know what's more amusing

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says:that condi knew it was obama's bottom or that obama's bottom has a tattoo of 'LOVE RIDE'

Nabil says: well apparently he was quite the ruffian back in his days in indonesia

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: he was in indonesia?

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: did he spark the vegetable movement's revolution over there?

Nabil says:yeap, protesting over tomatoes position as what he said was "merely" a fruits

Nabil says: he was lobbying for joint fruit/vegetable status

Nabil says: it was the beginning of his political career

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: whoa! that's one heck of a way to begin a political career

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I always thought the vegetable movement was begun by janis joplin being drunk at a concert and accidentally knocking over the mic, so she began singing with a corn cob instead and somehow the corn cob still amplified her voice

Nabil says: analysts say that each peice of corn, was infact a bluetooth transmitter, smuggled there by the first wave of time travelers as a gag

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: so the speakers must've has bluetooth receivers attached to them as well?

Nabil says: oh yes

Nabil says: weirdly though, all evidence was cleared

Nabil says: the only reason they found this much was janis insisted on being buried with what they called "bob the magic cob"

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: the interesting thing is, when you play her live rendition of Work Me Lord in reverse, boost the tempo, increase the key by two, and lower the bass by juuust a bit

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: you hear the secrets of the illuminati, UFOs, access codes to the CIA mainframe, and where Elvis really is hiding

Nabil says: sigh, it truly is disgusting how that first wave of time travellers ruined a lot for us common folk

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: yeah, now everything's so boring

Nabil says: its because of them that the time travellers act had to be put in place

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: a walkthrough came out for serious sam 6 and plans for its development haven't even been announced yet

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: damn time travellers

Nabil says: well one good thing is we know that microsoft wont last longer than windows 8. which is essentially 2011

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says:well, yeah,that's a comforting thought

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: linus torvalds becomes leader of the world and linux ends up being installed on every phone, PDA, computer, console, and iPod in existence

Nabil says: yea but it sucks that they change the name from ipod to 'lipod'

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: I know, lipod is weird

Nabil says: yea well it sure beats the nike+ipod collaboration, i mean people had to actually..*work out*

Nabil says: i mean can you IMAGINE ...what a preposterous thought

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: that deal plummeted both shares by over thirty one percent. warren buffet lost everything he had in share trading

Nabil says: well, i hear linux's penguin army were willing to give him a post, but he turned it down

Nabil says: claiming he was not to be outdone by penguins

Nabil says: pfft...what little he knew eh

[The Kleptocracy] - DJ Admiral says: what little he knew indeed

Wherein Lies Continue

Faces.

That’s what we are. We are neither personalities nor souls. We are not individuals of various schools of thought or groups of lost beings. We are... just faces.

We are the faces we wear. We are just as superficial, we are just as cold and we are just as heartless.

On a daily basis we don these visages. These faces, worn as though they were merely another item of apparel. Kept on a shelf, hung from a hook or strewn across the messiest of rooms. Each waiting till they hear their call.

Work face, play face, hi-nice-to-meet-you-face, yes-tap-dancing-should-be-revived-face.

Do we mean what we say? Not in the least. We have these faces just to bluff our way through yet another day of fallacies. We are too cowardly for honesty, too fearful for candour, too wary of what the side effects of sincerity may be. When have we felt that criticism would trump the most deceitful of compliments?

Even with the closest of our friends we are wary of the words we utter. Worried more about how the person in question would react to the truth than the results of being caught in the act of insincerity. Truth, it seems, has been lost in this web of deceit we have spun around ourselves. A web that, not only gives the illusion of protection from the harsh realities of the world out there, but also prevents us from getting truly close to anyone. A web that suffocates our souls.

Society deems politicians to be creatures of deceit.

We are all politicians. We all are fighting for that vote.

Red Button. Blue Button.

Democrat. Republican.

Friend. Enemy.

How are we any different?

Why has honesty been reduced to nothing more than a last resort?